Why do we fall in love?

What makes us compatible in romantic relationships, and why do we fall in love? What makes us fall in love with that person, and why do some relationships fall apart?

Astrology offers a beautiful, and accurate perspective to why we fall for certain people, and not others. It is a tool that can be used to help better understand why we are consciously and subconsciously attracted to our other half.

We all want different things from love, and in my personal opinion, there is someone out there for everyone. What if there was a way to know if you and your lover will be compatible long-term, and to realise the potential of the relationship with person you just met?

By studying the planets, knowing what each planet brings to the table in our relationships, and to recognise compatibility within different Zodiac signs and how they aspect each other; is a sure fire way to find the answers you're looking for, and understand your relationship in a whole new way.

You will need to know your birth chart, and the other person's birth chart.

You may have already seen some posts about Astrological compatibility, but they don't tend to be accurate, because most of the content you'll find online are using Sun sign Astrology. This is very generic, and only speaks to the surface level attraction in relationships.

The Planets in love

Here, we'll delve into all the different planets we have in our birth chart and explain how every planet, as well as important points and asteroids, plays a part in your relationship, from the first moment you meet to settling down long-term. Some planets are more important than others, but every planet has a unique pattern to what attracts, or repels us.

Planets in your chart that form aspects to planets in their chart is an even deeper way of understanding how our planets react to each other, which will be discussed in another blog post. First, let's get to the basics of the planets, and what role they take in your relationships. 

If you're unsure about the planets you have in your chart, you can find more about your birth chart by booking yourself in to our acclaimed Birth chart readings.

Sun Sign

The Sun sign relates to who we are, our ego and our personality. This is what we see in people when we first get to know them, at surface level, without getting to know them on a deeper level. Sometimes we are deterred from getting to know someone, you can't explain it; they just don't have what you're looking for, or you can't relate on the most basic level, this most likely means you have Sun signs that clash.

This is not the be-all and end-all, you can have incompatible Sun signs, and still maintain a long-term relationship, unless there are harsh aspects from your Sun to thier personal planets.

When you are attracted to someone's Sun sign, you like who they are and realise you have common ground on how they behave, the way they hold themselves, what makes them stand out and how easy it is to relate to them. It feels harmonious and effortless. When you look up to people, or admire them, this is usually the Sun sign that you are seeing. We are constantly finding people that we are compatible with on this level, almost every day, so it's not a deep placement for relationships. 

It does, however, have a lot of authority in Astrology on how we come across to people we've met, or how easy it is to get to know them, it shows us why others are drawn to us and the first layer of compatibility.

Having Sun sign compatibility makes things easy from the get-go. Without this initial first step, it's likely you wouldn't have engaged with a lot of people who now mean a lot to you. But it is a shallow summary of your union, it simply speculates how well you two get on, and shared personality traits. No relationship can be sustained long-term by this alone. 

Rising sign (Ascendant)

The Rising sign is our first impression, what draws people in and our aura. This is also what people see at surface level, but it is felt more strongly and effective than your Sun sign. This is what makes us attracted to others, but usually only on an aesthetic and aura-based level. It can be felt and seen more deeply than someone's Sun sign, and is usually the first thing someone sees when they begin to understand who they're meeting with. It relies almost soley on judgement, and poeple often misjudge you based on what they see in your Rising sign.

The first impression can be very different to when they get to know you better; when your Sun sign and Mercury sign begins to show (unless Sun sign and Rising are the same, what you see is usually what you get).

When you don't like 'the look' of someone, it's almost surely because you have incompatible Rising signs. This doesn't mean you two can't be compatible, as it's the first layer presented on a very complex design of yourself.

When people give you a chance to get to know you and don't judge solely based on a first impression, they can find much compatibility inside, so the Rising sign is not an indicator of full compatibility. 

On the flip side, someone may be drawn to you instantly based on your appearance and want to know more about you. You likely have compatible Rising signs, you give off similar auras and aesthetics that gel well together. 

This shouldn't be an important part of measuring compatibility, as it's surface level and often misleading you to who lies beneath the surface. An exception to this would be someone who identifies very strongly with thier Rising sign, harsh aspects to the other person's planets, or due to other factors in their birth chart.

Not being compatible with them at first impression, can sometimes indicate a problem that can rear it's head in the long run, too.

Moon sign

The Moon sign relates to our emotions, how we were raised, our comforts and fears. This goes deeper than Sun sign, but isn't that hard to see in someone you've recently met, if you look hard enough.

You'll see this come to the surface when the person is faced with a dilemma, a problem, when the person is out of their comfort zone, or even how they present themselves in a casual setting, if you're paying enough attention. 

This is likely where you'll find out that you don't 'like' someone as much as you first thought, they irk you and you'll draw the line at getting to know them better. They could be bringing up subconscious feelings you don't like. You don't feel comfortable around them. This is likely because your Moon signs are not compatible, and sometimes can indicate that you actually have the same Moon sign, and you remind them too much of thier own problems with emotions. 

On the other spectrum, when they match well, the Moon sign is what will make you feel even more drawn to the person, as they put you at ease or make you feel comfortable and safe in thier presence. You can open up your emotions to them and they will make you feel seen and understood. You will yearn to be around them more often. They may feel like home.

It is one of the most important aspects of any relationship and will determine potential for long-term stability and safety within the relationship, and compatibility for settling down long-term, but again, this alone cannot determine the whole relationship. 

Mercury sign

The Mercury sign relates to our communication, how we converse with others and our intellect. This is what will come across when you are having a conversation with someone. It's not a deep placement in your chart, anyone talking with you can see it, but long-term relationships often do need compatible Mercury signs, because communication is one of the most important parts of any relationship; especially a romantic one.

You may realise quite soon that you don't like the person after speaking with them, you don't like the way they talk or what they talk about bores you, or it's hard to converse because there's too much misunderstandings; this is probably because your Mercury signs are not compatible. This can be solved with putting more effort into communicating with your partner, but only if both parties are willing to put the work in.

On the other end, the speaking style of each party may be what draws you closer together, you're very interested in what they have to say, you find them easy to talk to and be able to talk with them for hours on end! This means you likely have compatible Mercury signs and communicating will be a huge part of long-term commitment.

Someone with the same Mercury sign as you can be great at first, and you will always have plenty interests to talk about, but you may realise down the line that you're battling for a conversation, almost like it's a competition. 

It is another extremely important aspect for a compatible relationship, based on shared interests and intellectual compatibility, it is sometimes overlooked in relationships, but again, the Mercury sign alone cannot determine the longevity of the relationship. 

Mars sign

Your Mars sign relates to your passion, sex drive and taking action. This usually isn't seen straight away, (unless someone has an unbalanced Mars sign they can't control), but if you find yourself attracted or sexually attracted to someone, their Mars sign is what you're seeing. You can also see this in someone after getting to know them and by observing how assertive they are in a situation, how they handle anger, or when doing something they're passionate about.

It can be a deep placement in a relationship, but quite like the Sun, it can also be pretty shallow and pertains mainly to the sexual nature of a romantic relationship.

One could argue that sex is very important in a relationship, and you should have matching passions. This is true, having a similar sex drive and zest for life can take your relationship very far indeed. But don't forget, Mars is a lust-driven planet, so you may not be seeing the person clearly because your clouded by the sexual attraction. 

On the flip side, someone who makes you feel anger, or seems to know how to push every button you have, can indicate incompatible Mars signs. This will be very hard to ignore and move past, because every time action is needed to be taken; you two will butt heads.

Incompatible Mars signs can fester into resentment and turn into something ugly really fast, maybe even violent, so it's best not to ignore this incompatibility. It's healthier to talk about these issues and try to resolve them. If one of the parties doesn't see an issue, it's probably best to walk away.

Mars can become very detrimental to yourself and others when not living in it's truth. This can look like the inability to express oneself, unable to have healthy boundaries, letting someone dominate your life and control you, even lashing out. When Mars goes wrong, it goes really wrong, because it's the planet of War.

Its safe to say this planet is important in determining long-term compatibility,  but there should be other planets that are interacting beneficially in the relationship.

 Only being compatible by Mars alone will also be detrimental for a long-term romantic, or serious relationship. This is what will cause people to initiate or stay in casual/friends-with-benefits-type situations. 

Venus sign 

This may be the most important sign to consider for a relationship. Venus relates to our love language, our beauty and how we need to be adored, so it's very fitting that we need to analyse this placement to see potential happy ever afters. You could be incompatible in all other areas, but two strong Venus signs could help keep this relationship on course.

All relationships need work, and this planet cannot be left neglected in order for you two to work. From time to time a relationship may run into trouble, it's only natural, and every healthy relationship has them; looking to Venus and enhancing the energies of your Venus signs can help solve the issues. 

To someone you don't really know, you can see thier Venus sign by the way they dress, thier charm and what they're entertained by. This may be the things that draw you to this person, a shared love of creativity and hobbies. Otherwise, you can't really see someone's Venus sign until you have fallen in love with them, it is a deep placement in compatibility Astrology, perhaps one of the deepest.

You may fall in love and realise this person is everything you've dreamt of. They love you the way you yearn to be loved, they make you feel special and understand your soul. Having the same Venus sign as someone else, can indicate love at first sight. You are both on the same page from what you want and commitment should be easy. This is a really special thing to come across. Once you two meet, no one else can come close to the love and affection they give you.

Perhaps you're love language is words of affirmation, you will be compatible with other Venus signs that value words of affirmation. Someone who values affection will have a Venus sign that aligns with this, and won't be compatible with someone's Venus who doesn't find this important. This may not be a problem at first, but will definitely become a problem as time goes on.

Your Venus sign tells you what you want and what you need out of your relationship, and you shouldn't really go against this. It can be worked on, but inability to see problems in this area will only hurt you more in the long-run.

Unfortunately, you cannot see how the whole planet will play out until you have fallen in love, you can see the charm and beauty that Venus brings when you're getting to know them, but when you fall for the person, the deeper parts of your Venus and thier Venus come out. 

And that is why so many people fall in love with the wrong person! This is also why other planets play an important part in compatibility, because it's good to see the other aspects interact with each other before Venus shows up.

Venus is arguably the most important signs for compatibility. It can be seen in more depth looking at how they aspect in yours and thier chart. Bottom line is if the way you two love is very different, then nothing else is bound to stand a chance.

Jupiter sign

Jupiter relates to growth, expansion and luck. It is one of the deeper aspects of relationship qualities, and can't really be seen by simply observing someone. You have to know someone on a deeper level for this to come to the surface. 

This is not a make or break placement in the first year or two with your partner; apart from the natural luck you embody, the Jupiter compatibility will only really be seen when it comes the time for you two to grow together.

If your long term goals and ways of maturing are aligned, then you have Jupiter signs that match well, e.g. wanting to buy a house or travel the world together. These times of growth will be easy and mutually beneficial to both parties, gaining luck and abundance in your relationship through Jupiter's ventures.

Unfortunately, this where a lot of relationships will fall short, and stagnate. This is why they call the first two years of a relationship the 'honeymoon' period. Everything else could be going well, but relationships do need to grow and evolve over time.

Without compatible Jupiter signs, the relationship may start to feel like crossroads, with both of you going different ways. You may realise that you're not ready for committing in the ways that the other expects. Jupiter rules freedom, so they have to be on the same page.

It is a very underlooked part of Astrology compatibility, and it doesn't matter much at first, but it will determine where the relationship will grow, develop and become a force to be reckoned with. 

Saturn sign

Your Saturn sign relates to lessons, restrictions and personal growth. You can't really see someone's Saturn sign by first meeting them (unless you're an incredibly intuitive Astrologer!), you'll realise thier Saturn when they share what challenges they've overcame in life, how they've struggled and how they've moved past this.

Again, this isn't important for initial attraction, but the challenges they've faced and experiences they've been through have shaped them to be the way they are. It may stop them from activating thier Venus sign and enjoying the relationship to it's highest potential. You can see this in someone's reluctance to show love, mature, settle down and bring depth to the relationship.

The inability to move past challenges and mature in the relationship can point to very different life experiences, and can point to a mis-match in Saturn compatibility. It's a lot like Jupiter this way, but Saturn is stricter and will put this across harsher.

If you've experienced much of the same things in your life, and feel closer to the person because of these, it's likely you have compatible Saturn signs. You two have a lot in common with the card that life dealt you, and it can strengthen the relationship even further.

Without this, resentment can pop it's ugly head and restrict the relationship from the effort it needs to grow. Not letting Saturn grow is never beneficial to anyone.

This is a deep part of compatibility that must be learned, and worked on if needed; in order to reinforce all the other parts of your relationship. 

Uranus sign

This sign relates to rebellion, change and progressiveness. It's also a generational planet, so each sign has a group of people that relate to certain generations, and thier willingness to progress, or rebel along with society.

It's not exactly an important factor for compatibility, there are many ways to thrive in relationships without this ever becoming a problem. There's not a lot of ways to see this in someone you don't really know, other than guessing thier age.

Someone who is incompatible with your Uranus sign would look like completely different ways of progressive thinking, resistance to change that you're comfortable with, and unconventional ways of life. Harsh aspects to Uranus in thier chart can make your relationship unstable, or unpredictable, and can irk the other person. It may come across as someone who doesn't respect your higher ideals in the world, your unconventional ways of living, and misunderstands where you're coming from or what causes you're fighting for. 

Someone born around the same time as you will have the same Uranus sign as yourself, and you can collaborate on things that matter to yourself as individuals, your relationship and how you view the world and fit into society. Your unconventional ways of thinking and doing things will be accepted, even harmoniously coming together with the other person. 

It's not exactly a make or break placement for relationships, but those born under the same Uranus sign will simply be able to relate better to these subjects. Without harsh aspects, a long term relationship can thrive as long as respect is given for being different, and you don't allow this get in the way. It's generational, and can't really be worked on, so to speak.

Neptune sign

Neptune relates to dreams, illusions and the need to escape. It is also a generational planet, so you can notice who has the same Neptune sign as you by looking for people in your age group. It doesn't tend to be that important for a long-lasting relationship, other than the obvious generational gap.

You can have incompatible Neptune signs and not really tell the difference, except when there are harsh aspects or you/they are very distinctive with your Neptune sign.

Someone with a compatible, or the same Neptune sign to yours can play out in some ways. You can find harmony though spiritual subjects, dreams, or you both have a tendency to escape. This can actually become more detrimental, because you both cannot see beyond the delusions, you are both unwilling to see the harm, you can sugar coat the bad and your relationship can be based around this, if not careful.

Someone with an incompatible Neptune sign as yourself may have difficulty with your higher beliefs, or you can come off as lazy and chaotic to them. I feel like this is one of the planets that sometimes do need different Neptune signs, so you can see the perspective of someone else, and help shake you out of illusions you may have. It can be grounding or someone who relates strongly to thier Neptune sign.

Not one of the most important aspects for compatibility, but similar Neptune's can be spiritually beneficial, or highly negative. This will all depend on the other aspects surrounding Neptune, and can't determine long-term sustainability by itself.

Pluto sign

Pluto relates to transformation and is, again, generational. You can guess someone's Pluto sign, by estimating how old they are will determine which Pluto generation they fall under. You can also see this come across if there are significant aspects to Pluto and other main planets, or simply by getting to know someone's relationship to power.

This can be a really important factor in achieving the first steps of a relationship, because of the generational barrier, someone may not be inclined to even talk to you because they think you're too old, or too young.

It's inherently pretty damn hard to relate to different generations other than your own, it can be a natural repellent. You've been raised differently, had different opportunities and society has changed drastically from generation to generation. It makes everyone around you wonder what you could possibly have in common, and the older Pluto may not take you seriously.

You're much more likely to have romantic relationships, and success with someone from the same generation as you, or not too far away from yours. Society has looked the same for you two, so there is harmony on certain advances and common ground for some life experiences, and how the outer world helped shape you.

The success rate of long-term relationships will get lower and lower as the generational gap gets bigger, although there are of course people who exclusively seek out someone older, or younger than them. This points to very harmonious asepects with thier Pluto to personal planets in your Birth chart.

This isn't obvious to be an important part of relationships, but can be a factor for common ground and societal norms.

It can also highlight the way you deal with power and transformation, one of you may have more power in the relationship than the other one. It also shows the other party how willing and able you are to rise up from situations that knock you down, it can be quite refreshing to see, and brings another layer to the relationship.

Pluto probably won't make or break a relationship (unless there are harsh aspects), but relating to people from different generations can be a huge barrier, even for the most platonic of relationships.

Chiron sign

This is an asteroid that relates to healing, the wounds we've experienced and how we've overcame this. I wouldn't say this is an important part of compatibility, but it can give you a deeper insight to the way someone is. If love has been difficult for either of you, you may have a Chiron placement that hasn't healed.

Having incompatible Chiron's may bring more pain to the relationship, you subconsciously hurt each other, because you don't realise what the other person has been through.

Having some patience and understanding can help this barrier. With many other compatibilities surrounding the relationship, this asteroid can highlight all the other problems, giving you a relationship that is based on pain and suffering.

On the other end, you can have harmonious asepects to each other's Chiron, which can give one of you the ability to heal the other person, and strengthen the relationship further than you ever imagined. Having the same Chiron has it's benefits, as you both subconsciously feel each others wounds and understand why they are the way they are.

Chiron is not important to establish a relationship, but it may bring up some difficulties later on, especially if there's harsh aspects.

Descendant sign

This is a point of the birth chart thar is directly opposite the Rising sign, and tells us what you're looking for in a relationship. It's not something you can see in someone, other than by knowing what type of relationship they're looking for, or by knowing their Rising sign (it is the sign directly opposite this). Therefore, it is important for long-term compatibility, and is subconsciously felt by the person you're drawn to.

You're most likely attracted romantically to someone who positively aspects your Descendant. Signs of compatible Descendant signs is someone who embodies exactly what you seek in a relationship, but doesn't become obvious until the relationship is established. 

Someone who is at complete opposites of what you expect in a relationship may be a sign of them having a Descendant that doesn't work well with yours. A lot like Venus, this won't become apparent until you've fallen in love, so it's important to also have a foundation of Planets that are compatible.

You may realise they can't offer you what you were expecting, a good way to work around this is be very honest and upfront about the type of relationship you want. 

This is an important part of a relationship once it's been established, but if it's incompatible, it can be saved by Venus, the Moon and other important aspects of your Astrological compatibility. 

The Node signs

Another overlooked part of calculating compatibility using Astrology, are the Node signs. These are points on the Moon's axis and known as the 'Nodes of Destiny.' The North Node is your highest purpose, and the South Node relates to the blockages you have to overcome in order to activate the North, and accomplish your purpose.

You can't really see this or seek this out consciously in people you meet, it becomes apparent the more you get to know someone.

With the North Node, you can feel the compatibility with this in your other half because all your important goals align perfectly together. You're both on the same page in life and collaborate effectively to go after your purpose. Having the same purpose as your person can be an indication of compatible, or even the same North Node sign.

Harmonious aspects from thier planets to your South Node, or vice versa, can be a cathartic, and deeply healing aspect in your relationship. The burdens they feel can be eased by being with this person, they can make you feel renewed and support you on your mission to find yourself.

Harmonious aspects from thier planets to your North Node may feel like you've always known this person, and it could be a relationship that feels like 'it's meant to be'. 

Having completely different purposes in life, that get in the way frequently can be an indication that your North Nodes/South Nodes are in incompatible signs, or harshly aspected to your planets. By having other strong compatible planets such as Venus, Jupiter or the Moon; this can be worked on and shouldn't make or break your relationship. 

An important aspect of a relationship that will only rear it's head as the relationship develops.

Lilith sign 

Lilith represents our deepest, subconscious feelings and emotions. It can't really be seen in someone else until you get to know them, thier fears and where they hold back in life. You may be able to see it in someone who is comfortable in thier Lilith and has embodied this through thier daily life.

It isn't really an important part of a relationship, it is usually kept under lock and key and comes out when faced with the uncomfortable; a lot like the Moon, but it's buried a lot deeper than the Moon.

To see someone's Lilith, they would have to trust you, assert power over you or be able to bring out all your subconscious fears.

Signs of having incompatible Liliths, would look like someone who makes you feel uncomfortable, you have to hide your desires and they bring out a dark side of your personality. Someone who wants to dominate or overpower you, leading to power struggles, or even being fearful of the person.

People who have compatible Liliths will have similar desires and be able to express them without judgement or fear, you feel like you can show them the deepest, darkest parts of yourself that you usually keep hidden, and they accept this.

It's not an important part of a relationship until it gets more serious, but someone who accepts and loves you for your Lilith sign, is sure to be a long-term lover. 

Summary

Initial attraction;

• Sun sign

• Rising sign

• Mars sign

• Mercury sign

Initial important aspects;

• Venus sign

• Sun sign 

• Moon sign

• Mars sign

Deeper important aspects;

• Saturn sign

• Jupiter sign

• North & South Node sign

• Chiron sign

The important planets you need to be compatible also differs from your gender.

 Heterosexual males/masculine people tend to seek out the Moon and Venus signs in the other party.

Heterosexual female/feminine people tend to seek out the Sun and Mars signs in the other party.

Feminine same-sex couples seek out the Venus/Venus.

Masculine same-sex couples seek out the Mars/Mars.

This is just one way of calculating compatibility in two people, there are the signs that these planets fall under, the aspects of all of these planets and points, and how they interact and aspect all the planets and points of the other person's chart. It's all very confusing and it's best to get a professional Astrologer comb through it, analyse and translate it for you.

You can book a Compatibility reading to get an in-depth analysis from Little Miss Cosmic.